Wednesday, 1 February 2012
I'm supposed to be making resolutions. I don't know if I can be bothered. Today seems like a day where letting plans fall through is the point. Why spend a day such as today in a library? There's no reason. I was sore from working hard on the back court yesterday in preparation for photographs for the sale of our home. I took a bath even though I knew there wasn't enough time because that's the kind of day it is. I read I capture the castle and my favourite part of that book, where she has the day to herself and it's warm, golden and still. She swims in the moat and sunbathes on the roof. She naps in the afternoon and sits as the sun goes down in the countryside, lighting a bonfire. Honestly the part where another person appears is more unwelcome than welcome when I read it. I can't believe real summer like that exists. Every year I hope for it and even though it doesn't come it makes you appreciate the seasons changing a bit more, and makes you hopeful, which is a mood altogether welcome. I lay in the bath trying to imagine the hot water as the sun and me on the rooftop. Then I decided that today would be a holiday. I told my baby that we were going for a walk and that I'd always protect it. I can't see the point in making resolutions when sometimes just living is enough excitement for me. It's nice to feel optimistic again and I can feel the downsides of the last few months melting into obscurity as I type. I'm looking forward to a lot of things and I don't intend them to be resolutions. I'm looking forward to spring and the approach of summer. I'm looking forward to trips to beautiful towns and countryside. I'm looking forward to moving, to roses in the front garden and sunshine in the back. I'm looking forward to August and the emergence of one of the two people that matter the most to me. I'm looking forward to everything I've always dreamed of because I'm on that path now, since the wonders of 2010, and it will come and it will happen. Right now I look forward to picking snowdrops at the Necropolis, pretty pictures and lunch at IKEA. I'm going to have truffle cake.